If you were in a loving and caring relationship that went sour over time, you might miss your spouse. Here’s how to get over your ex-wife, and why you are missing her so much.
It is not easy to get over your ex-wife. But to do so, you need to focus on yourself. You need to prioritize and love yourself over anyone else. The first and foremost step is to let yourself grieve, feel the pain, and ultimately give time a chance to heal you. Divorce can give you severe health depression.
About 2.7 per 1000 of the US’s married people had appealed for divorce as of 2019. There could never be one guided step set when it’s about getting over someone. Each person is different, as is their relationship with their spouses.
Each person grieves differently while going through a divorce, so you need to experiment with various ways to reduce the immense pain buried deep inside your heart. Experiment with them until you find the sweet spot that efficiently heals you. Read this article to learn ways to deal with the pain and overcome the same.
Why You Cannot Get Over Your Ex-Wife?
Because You Are Playing the victim
Take some time to feel the pain, and let yourself grieve. You have lost a significant part of your life, and you must be handling too many emotions at once, feeling of grief, anger, distrust, betrayal, insecurity, and so much more.
Take one emotion at a time, feel it and let it go. Cry as much as you want, scream at the top of your voice, and stop playing the victim. Erase thoughts that your ex cheated on you and left you to be miserable.
Because You Let Yourself Stay angry
Don’t let anger get you. It’s human to feel angry in such situations, but holding on to such emotions is exceptionally toxic for yourself and the people around you, like your kids and family. Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and learn to be less dependent on any other individual.
You can try distracting yourself from anger. Laughter is indeed the best medicine, and it would be best if you could watch comedy videos rather than listen to sad songs. Stand-up comedy, comedy movies, and cartoons like Tom and Jerry can instantly lift your mood.
Blame yourself
It is common for a partner to regret their actions and blame themselves after divorce. You feel like that missed trip or something else led to your divorce, and that is not true.
You know you could not have avoided the divorce, and you are not the only one going through a divorce. Once you accept the situation and accept your own decision, it will be easier to process the divorce.
You only remember the good times.
You can often browse through your phone gallery or photo albums to relive your memories and remember those special moments. But browsing through photos won’t take you back to the past, instead will trap you in the past.
Music is something that you connect to the most as a human being. But it isn’t advisable to spend your day listening to sad music, and you would feel gloomy the entire day because of your playlist. Instead, try listening to upbeat songs. Think beyond the good times to see the real reason for your divorce.
You might also like to read: How To Deal With Anxious Attachment Partner?
You lost confidence during the relationship.
All it takes is a traumatizing relationship to change the course of all your relationships. Maintaining a journal is the universal solution for every mental trauma you may face. The data is backed by everyone, from Rhonda Byrne’s Secret series to scientific research papers. In a journal, you can write things like:
- What you have felt in the entire day. Write the negative thoughts and positive thoughts in different colors
- Blessings in your life.
- Your achievements and aspirations
- Reasons for making a tough decision.
You’re afraid of being alone.
If you have been married for a long time, there is a high chance that her absence feels unbearable to you. Like all that glitters is not gold, all the pain you feel is not because of love. Married couples get used to seeing each other every day, and they build a habit of having someone in their house.
Before, you did not get enough time to live your passion and got busy becoming the provider of a family. You can make a list of all such things and re-discover yourself through them. After a divorce, you might feel hopeless and incapable of doing anything yourself. That is not true.
Try doing something that you would have never tried. For example, if you think you are lousy at cooking, cook yourself a delicious meal with the help of the recipes and videos available on the internet. Explore areas like craft, cooking, singing, and dancing. Find what interests you and get indulged in them.
How To Get Over Ex-Wife?
Cut off all communication, Both direct and indirect.
You have developed a habit of being with your Ex-wife. The first step towards healing your negative emotions and getting over her is to cut all communications. This includes phone calls, text messages, drunk dials, and group chats. Please leave the chat rooms where both of you were members. You might feel that you would look pitiful, but it’s essential for your mental health.
After marriage, you tend to prioritize your wife over everything, be it your passion or friends and family. You take time off from boys’ night and family meetings to make time for her and make her feel special. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But now, you have all the time to reconnect with your friends, play video games, and go to parties with them. Visit your parents and siblings, and embrace the love that they have for you.
It is practically impossible to erase a phase of your life.
In this case, the stage is your married life and the dating life before that. Both of you share a shared living space; thus, from the moment you open your eyes, you are reminded of her by things such as the towel she used, her coffee mug, or maybe a photo of your wedding day. These objects began to haunt you all day long. It is best to clear the clutter in your house and eliminate all these objects.
You might also like to read: How To Deal With Inconsistency In A Relationship?
Stay Away From Social Media
Social media would do anything but help you. Everyone tends to boast about their life on social media, and it’s full of “PDA” or “Public Display of Affection,” which would make you feel worse about your current situation.
It is usual for every divorced individual to feel an urge to know about their Ex’s life. If you are happy, you want to see if they are happy without you. With this urge in your mind, you spend endless hours stalking your Ex without realizing how much negativity it’s bringing into your life.
Think of your mental health, and stay away from social media as much as possible. Instead, try and spend time with yourself and cut ties with the virtual world. With so many thoughts in your head, you might feel claustrophobic in your own home.
Your home may make you feel depressed as it is where you two lived, laughed, and felt love together. It would be best if you could go on a vacation. Studies show that vacation helps in reducing stress and feelings of anxiety and pain.
Let go of the fantasy.
After divorce, you tend to live in a bubble where you think your relationship with your wife was beautiful, coming straight out of a Disney movie. In reality, it was the exact opposite. Why else do you opt for divorce?
The end of the relationship you are mourning didn’t exist in real life. You have decided to go through the divorce. There must have been various reasons for that. Write all those reasons on paper and in your phone notebook.
Keep reminding yourself of why you could not have lived a happy life with your ex-wife. And why it is essential to let her go and move on in your life.
Make peace with the past.
A divorce or a bad relationship can strike some of the most toxic emotions, such as anger and betrayal. After a happy wedding day, there comes the point in your marriage where you no longer feel the same kind of love or respect in the relationship.
You feel like being used and exploited. There could have been various unfair treatment towards you that you did not deserve. In this case, it’s natural to feel hurt, to feel anger for not only your ex-wife but also the circumstances. Thinking about the hurtful incidents every day and constantly talking about them would gradually increase your pain.
The best strategy would be to accept it and practice forgiveness. First, it may feel forced, but eventually, you will be able to forgive the people who hurt you. There isn’t anything that time cannot heal.
Do not get anxious about the innumerable feelings and thoughts in your mind. Just try to stay calm, give yourself some time, and let time heal the damage that the divorce has done to you.
You might also like to read: How To Overcome Limerence?
Grieve
It is common among divorced individuals to suppress their feelings. Especially if you have kids to look after, you do not give yourself enough time to go through your feelings. As a result, these suppressed feelings make you feel claustrophobic inside your own body. Take some time for yourself, and experience those suppressed feelings.
Talk to someone you trust about the divorce. You might benefit from talking to someone else by releasing the feelings that you have subconsciously suppressed.
Additionally, you unknowingly remind yourself what made you opt for a divorce. Both of these effects could make you feel much better. If you do not have such trustworthy friends or family in your life, you can always consult a therapist.
If you feel that all of your feelings and thoughts are getting tied up in a large knot that you cannot untangle, it’s best to seek professional help. Experts in fields will understand you and your situation more than you and could offer you a personalized plan to get over your Ex-wife and feel better.
Understand that it’s natural to still love your ex
You have spent a significant part of your life with your ex-wife. You have truly loved her. With your whole heart, you had held her hand and have meant all the promises and vows that you took together. It is impossible to switch that feeling to hatred or disrespect.
Do not burden yourself with the pressure of moving on after a divorce. You cannot erase some memories. If you have loved your ex-wife, then there are high chances that you would never be able to forget the beauty in her laughter and some of the closest moments that you felt with her.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. You could always respect and care for her, even if you fall in love with someone else. It’s a false notion that you hate your ex.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it take to get over your ex-wife?
It depends on you and the relationship that you had with your ex-wife. You can get over the divorce in a few months, or it can take years to get over her and the pain that divorce has caused.
Does divorce pain ever go away?
Yes! It will eventually fade away without your knowledge. Time is the greatest healer. Give some time to yourself, try focusing on yourself, your passion, and your priorities, and one fine day you won’t be missing your ex.
How do you let go of someone who no longer wants you?
Accepting reality is very important in this case. You need to realize that you can longer be happy with that person, and you cannot make a person love you forcibly. It’s better to part ways and move on.
Who suffers the most in a divorce?
If a relationship comes to an end, both the two persons involved suffer. Some may suffer less, and some might have difficulty getting over the trauma. The amount of suffering does not depend on anything but the person’s emotional capacity and mental strength.
Wrap Up
The main things you should do to get over your ex are to love yourself and socialize but take time for yourself and release the suppressed feelings. Follow the guide, and eventually, the pain will go away.