Gray divorces are those that happen when the couple is each aged more than 50 years. Here’s how to get over a divorce after a long marriage, and signs that you are getting over yours.
The gray divorce rate has doubled since 1990. When a long marriage ends, it can be challenging to get over the divorce. You may feel like you are grieving the loss of your relationship, even though you are the one who decided to end it.
Fortunately, you can take steps to help yourself move on and rebuild your life. Here are four tips for getting over a divorce after a long marriage.
Reasons Long Term Marriages Crumble
1. Loss of communication
One of the most common reasons marriages crumble is a lack of communication. If you and your spouse are not communicating effectively, it can lead to resentment, misunderstanding, and many other problems. Make sure you’re taking the time to listen to each other and express your feelings, concerns, and needs openly.
2. Infidelity
Cheating is one of the most devastating things in a marriage. It can destroy trust, betray a confidence, and make things extremely difficult for both parties involved. If you’re struggling with fidelity issues, it’s essential to seek help from a professional or counselor to help you work through these challenges.
3. Money troubles
Money is often one of the most significant sources of stress in a marriage. It can ruin your relationship if you’re constantly arguing about money or struggling to make ends meet. Try to work together on financial planning and budgeting so you can reduce the amount of stress related to money.
4. Boredom
Over time, it’s natural for the excitement and passion to fade in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you no longer love each other, but it can lead to feelings of boredom and dissatisfaction. To keep the spark alive, try new things together, plan regular date nights and make an effort to keep things exciting.
5. Drifting apart
Life is constantly changing, and our relationships can also change as we change. If you find that you and your spouse are growing apart, it’s essential to try to reconnect on a deeper level. Spend time together doing things you both enjoy, discussing your hopes and dreams for the future, and generally enjoying each other’s company.
6. Unresolved issues of the past
If you or your spouse have unresolved issues, it can lead to problems in your marriage. These issues may include unresolved childhood trauma, relationship baggage from previous relationships, or general life stressors. If you’re having difficulty dealing with these issues, it’s essential to seek professional help to learn how to deal with them healthily.
If facing challenges in your marriage, don’t give up hope. With a little effort, you can overcome anything that comes your way. Seek out counseling or therapy if necessary, and remember that communication is key to a happy and healthy relationship.
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How To Get Over A Divorce After A Long Marriage
1. Acknowledge that it will take time
Don’t expect to “get over” a divorce after a long marriage – it will take time, and there is no magic solution. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your wedding, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you need it.
2. Lean on your support system
Whether it’s friends, family, or a professional counselor, make sure you have people you can rely on for support during this difficult time. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly helpful in managing them and starting to move on.
3. Love thyself
This is not the time to neglect your own needs. Be sure to get the right diet, exercise and sleep, and take time for yourself every day. Doing things that make you feel good – even if it’s just taking a long bath or reading your favorite book – will help you get through this tough time.
4. Avoid making significant life changes
After a divorce, it can be tempting to make drastic changes in your life – like quitting your job or moving to a new city. But try to resist the urge to do anything too drastic until you’ve had time to adjust to your new reality. Making significant changes can be overwhelming and may not be what you want.
5. Focus on the positive
It’s easy to dwell on all the negative aspects of your divorce, but try to focus on the positive. Maybe you now have more time to pursue your hobbies or spend with friends and family. Or perhaps you finally have the chance to start fresh in a new relationship. Focus on the silver lining and use it as motivation to move on.
6. Don’t dwell on the past
It’s natural to want to know what went wrong in your marriage, but dwelling on the past will only keep you from moving forward. Accept that the divorce happened and make a conscious effort to focus on the present and future.
7. Be patient with yourself
Getting over a divorce after a long marriage will not happen overnight. Be patient and allow yourself the time and space to grieve and heal. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with this type of loss – everyone copes in their way and at their own pace.
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7 Key Facts About Divorce After Long Marriages
1. Relative wealth can be a protective factor against gray divorce.
While many factors can contribute to divorce later in life, one of the most significant appears to be relative wealth. According to a study by the University of Maryland, married couples with a higher net worth are less likely to divorce than those with less money.
This makes sense when you consider the financial implications of divorce. Dividing up assets can be complicated and costly for couples who have been married for many years. And for those who are retired or approaching retirement, the impact of a divorce on their finances can be devastating.
2. Kids struggle with the reality of parental divorce, whatever their ages.
It’s a common misconception that adults are better equipped to deal with their parents’ divorce than younger kids. No matter how old your children are, they will likely struggle with the news that you’re divorcing.
If you have adult children, they may worry about your divorce’s financial impact on their own lives. They may also feel guilty or ashamed, as though they somehow contributed to the failure of your marriage. And if you have grandchildren, your divorce can also disrupt relationships.
3. Divorce can be emotionally devastating, even after a long marriage.
It’s often assumed that couples who have been married for many years are more likely to divorce because they’re simply tired of each other. But the reality is that divorce can be just as emotionally devastating for long-term couples as it is for those who’ve been married for a shorter time.
Because you’ve likely built up a lifetime of shared memories and experiences as a married person, losing your marriage can be even more painful. And if you have children, the emotional toll of divorce can be even more significant.
4. Divorce can have a significant impact on your health.
While the emotional effects of the divorce process are well-documented, the physical effects are often overlooked. But the truth is, divorce can take a severe toll on your health. According to one study, divorced women are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and insomnia than married women.
Moreover, divorce can lead to unhealthy behaviors like excessive drinking and smoking, further impacting your health. And if you have children, the stress of divorce can also take a toll on their physical and emotional well-being.
5. The financial implications of divorce can be significant.
While the cost of divorce varies depending on the couple’s assets and debts and the length of the marriage, it’s safe to say that it can be expensive. One study found that the average cost of a divorce is nearly $13,000. And for couples who have been married for many years, the price can be even higher.
6. Divorce can have a significant impact on your career.
While the financial implications of divorce can be significant, the impact on your career can be just as damaging. If you’re forced to take a lower-paying job or reduce your hours to care for your children, your earning potential can severely decline.
And if you have to take time off from work to deal with the emotional fallout of your divorce, it can be even harder to get ahead.
7. You’re not alone.
Considering divorce after a long marriage, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. In fact, according to one study, nearly 20 percent of couples who have been married for more than 20 years end up getting divorced. So if you feel like divorce is your only option, know that you’re not alone. And while the road ahead may be difficult, it’s important to remember that you can get through this.
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5 Signs That You are Moving Onto Life After Divorce
It takes a long time to get over a divorce. Depending on the severity of the breakup, it can take months or even years to move on. And, for some people, the process is never really complete. However, sure signs indicate you are making progress and are well on your way to recovery.
Here are 5 of them:
1. The idea of going again on a date is thrilling
After the pain and heartache of divorce, dating again can be daunting. But if the idea of meeting someone new and going on a date fills you with excitement, it’s a good sign you are ready to move on. You are no longer fixated on your ex and are looking forward to the future and its possibilities.
2. You are more confident than ever
Divorce can shake your confidence. It’s natural to second-guess yourself and wonder if you made the right decision. But as time goes on, you will feel more sure of yourself and your choices. You will realize that you are strong and capable and will no longer doubt your ability to handle whatever life throws your way.
3. You are open to new experiences
After a divorce, it is common to feel like you need to take time for yourself and figure out who you are without your ex. This can mean trying new things and exploring interests you never had before. If you want to branch out and try new things, it’s a good sign that you are ready to move on from your divorce.
4. You have let go of the anger
It is normal to feel angry after a divorce. After all, your life has been turned upside down, and everything is different now. But if you find that the anger has faded and you can think about your ex without getting worked up, it’s a sign you are ready to move on. You have processed the anger and can now focus on the future.
5. You are happy with your life
After a divorce, this is the ultimate goal: to be happy with your life again. If you find that you are enjoying your life and feel good about where you are, it’s a clear sign that you have moved on from your divorce. You no longer see your divorce as a negative experience; instead, you see it as a stepping stone to happiness.
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Factors That Affect Healing After Divorce
1. The Length of the Marriage
The length of the marriage can impact how long it takes to heal after divorce. If you were married for a long time, you might have more difficulty adjusting to being single again. On the other hand, if your marriage was shorter, you may find it easier to move on.
2. The Reason for the Divorce
The reason for the divorce can also affect your healing process. It may take longer to forgive and forget if you feel wronged or betrayed. However, if you agree that the marriage wasn’t working out, it may be easier to move on.
3. Whether There Was Infidelity
Infidelity can be one of the hardest things to overcome after a divorce. If your partner cheated on you, it might take time to trust again. However, if you were the one who had an affair, you may feel guilty and regretful. Either way, infidelity can make it difficult to move on.
4. How Child custody Was Decided
How child custody was decided can also affect your healing process if you have children. If you have joint custody, you’ll still contact your ex-partner regularly. This can make it harder to let go of the past and move on with your life. On the other hand, if you have sole custody of your children, you may find it easier to start fresh.
5. Your Support System
Your support system can significantly affect how quickly you heal after a divorce. If you have supportive friends and family, they can help you through the tough times. However, if you’re isolated, it may take longer to recover.
6. Your Financial Situation
Your financial situation can also affect your healing process. If you’re struggling to make ends meet, it may be hard to focus on anything else. On the other hand, if you’re doing well financially, you may find it easier to move on.
No matter what, remember that healing is possible. It may take some time, but eventually, you can move on with your life.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do marriages fall apart after 25 years?
The answer to this question is far from clear-cut. While it may be tempting to say that children are most often the cause, this is not always the case. Studies have shown that the reasons can be many – from disillusionment, to empty nest syndrome, to the need for companionship. This is likely because they are left with all the baggage of a failed relationship.
Do ex-wives ever regret divorce?
It is not uncommon for people to experience regret after divorce. Research has shown that around 30% of people who get divorced regret their decision.
Final Thoughts
Getting over a divorce after a long marriage can be difficult. Many steps can be taken to help the process, and with time and patience, it is possible to move on and find happiness again. However, by taking time for yourself, reaching out to loved ones, and seeking professional help if needed, you can work through your feelings and begin to rebuild your life. Thank you for reading this article, we hope we were able to help you through your divorce and suggest you ways to move on.