In the last week, I’ve spent nearly forty hours waiting in doctor’s offices, surgery waiting rooms, and emergency rooms.
My mom saw the surgeon last week, was quickly scheduled to have her parathyroids removed, and Friday she had the surgery. After a rough weekend of recovery, we were back in the Emergency Room yesterday, expecting to find that she’d had an unexpected plunge in her calcium levels (which is common after parathyroid removal).
Unfortunately, the opposite was true. Her calcium had risen to dangerous levels, again. Which means, unfortunately, the parathryoid is not the fucking cause of her hypercalcemia.
Fucking hell. Back to square one.
My poor mom. She’s fighting to keep teaching; she made it to class today after seeing the surgeon (I was driving, obviously). We see the endocrinologist on Monday; we’re going to fight to get her a medication that the surgeon suggested. They are also suggesting a specialist in New York.
We are both immensely frustrated.
I have not been the most patient daughter. I’ve argued with my mom about her medications, I’ve resented the need to force her to eat and drink when her appetite wanes (the drinking is key to keeping the calcium down), I’m damned tired of not being able to do my work as I sit, once again, in a hospital or doctor’s waiting room.
It’s just that we thought it was over. We thought the surgery would fix her. And it hasn’t, and we still don’t know what’s happening, and I’m pissed off about it.
And then I get pissed off at myself for not being patient. For not being a gracious daughter. For snapping at Charlie and Tori because I’m so tired and so weary. Then I feel badly for feeling sorry for myself because of course my mom has it worse.
God willing, we can keep her calcium down. God willing, we’ll get to the bottom of this. God willing, I’ll find it in me to be more generous. I’m taking my friend Julia’s advice, and taking some time to put on my oxygen mask. Tomorrow I’m working at home, alone, while Charlie takes my mom to class. Well, I hope. We will have to see what tomorrow brings.
Meanwhile, prayers, please, that the doctors figure out what the fucking fuck is going on. Thanks.