We’re lucky; here in Philly we managed to avoid the worst of the storm. We had a fair amount of wind and rain but the work we’d done in the basement and on the tree in front of the house held up and all we have to cope with is a kid with cabin fever (although she’s currently having a playdate and the two of them are arguing, so, you know, FUN).
I spent a few hours with my mom at the hospital and learned… nothing. They took more xrays. We waited. We heard nothing. Finally she was exhausted and I needed to be home so I left. Today, she’s much less clear than she was either Sunday or yesterday, but she’s also now running a fever and on pain meds so no one is alarmed (except me; I feel like a broken record trying to remind everyone that she is NOT A DODDERING OLD LADY, DAMN IT, FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG).
Finally, after 48 hours of not hearing from any doctors, I sat down with the attending physician today and we went over about a dozen things that we think she might be having issues with from medications to circulation issues to thyroid or other metabolic issues to B12 deficiencies to blood pressure to inner ear to…. ack. Basically, they’ve ruled out the horses, so now they are beginning to look at zebras. Still waiting on a consult from her neurologist (who is affiliated with this hospital), some other tests they are going to do tomorrow, including a rather big one; checking her resting cortisol to see if her adrenal glands were damaged from 20 months of steroids for the pneumonia.
Y’all, I’m tired.
Plus, lingering in the back of my heart and mind has been the knowledge that Saturday was the 8th anniversary of my son’s deaths, and how I’m simply unable right now to go there and feel the pain – particularly since I already touched on it, writing about the boys and abortion and the election several times recently. I feel like I cannot let myself go there again. Which is stupid, of course. But I’m trying to hold it together for my mom, help with the family’s storm related stress, and there’s just no time for me to fall apart right now.
But of course, your body and mind make time, and last night’s combined news about New York City – particularly the thought of the NICU babies at NYU’s hospital getting evacuated down nine flights of stairs because of power failure (and back up power failure) and then the rumor that Coney Island Hospital was on fire, completely, and no one could get to them to help (not true at all, apparently; a car burned in front of the hospital) threw me over the edge and I had a full panic attack.
I’ve had fewer than five panic attacks in my life and I don’t really know what to do with them when they happen other try to take deep breaths which felt impossible because my heart hurt. I tried distracting myself by discussing politics on twitter and everyone yelled at me for trying to score “points” during the emergency so then I felt shitty as well as panicky.
In the midst of all of this I’m trying my best to work, which today is kind of laughable. My head is too muddled. I think I’m going to go nap and try again tonight.
So. There you have it, my “report.”
How are you doing? Were you in the storm’s path? Are you doing okay? Can I help? Let me know.