So, this was stupid.
I went to fill a script and I was out of refills. Then I dashed off to New York City for the Social Good Summit as a guest of the UN Foundation and Shot@Life (I’m a social good fellow, not to be all braggy and stuff, but it’s kinda awesome), forgetting to call my doctor and ask her to call it in. Then I got home, was emotionally exhausted from spending two days hearing about the world’s problems (and, yes, how people are solving them) and realized I was out of another med. Then I got busy working and forgot to fill that one too.
And guess what happened? Today I woke up feeling like I was having another mixed-effected episode, like I did when I first started on anti-depressants in 2009. Heart pounding anxiety, fear of going outside, panic – the works.
I’ve gotten all my meds again, and I’m sure I’ll be better in a few days. But I’m confounded by my brain, yet again; I’m finding that I’m “feeling” two things at the same time. I feel such an unbearable hopelessness combined with an intense fear; I not only feel horribly sad but also completely unsafe.
But worst of all? I feel like tossing ALL the meds because, after all, I never had this happen when I was on nothing! Right? So what if I had crazy mood swings and felt angry all the time?
But in the meantime, I’m feeling raw and exposed and uncomfortable and, frankly, kinda crazy. Be patient with me, alright?