In a week I’m headed to New York City for five days for the annual BlogHer conference. You all might remember when I went to my first conference in 2008, so this is my fifth consecutive BlogHer. This year the conference is bigger than ever; 4,500 people will be attending (there were just over a thousand attending my first year).
In 2008 I was a relatively unknown blogger that only a couple of people recognized; the last two years so many people stopped me to chat that it took me an hour to walk across a room because, well, I’ve gotten to know everyone, and this might be the only time I get to give them boob-squishing hugs for a while. This year, with the addition of my work at MomCrunch, I’ve gotten to be better known as a social media expert, and that’s likely to change the tone of my interactions at BlogHer this year (in a good way; I’ve already gotten a bunch of emails from folks asking if they can meet with me to get some blogging advice).
Which is all good.
Except for one weird thing.
I’ve kind of lost my identity as a creative writer.
Don’t get me wrong; I am a complete social media and blogging geek. Having MomCrunch as both an excuse to stay on top of industry news as well as a place to write about the latest tech and social news (like today’s article about whether social based search will kill SEO – juicy stuff, yes?) – as well as get PAID to do so – is one of the great joys in my life. I’ve already had a couple of informal queries about my interest in writing an “industry book” about social media (very, very informal). And you know, sure, if the offer was right, I might do that.
But I want to write MY book. The one I’ve had burning in my heart since that first BlogHer in 2008. The one I came back from that conference ready to write.
But.
Time.
TIME. I’m writing this post at 11:24pm while I watch The Daily Show. I finished working around 10:38pm. I got up and started work at 9am. I had three conference calls today. This is the fourth piece of web content I’ve written today.
I’m not sure I have more words.
Where am I going to get the words?
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not complaining (not really). I’m thrilled that my work is keeping us out of financial ruin, making it possible for me to send Tori to a private school this fall (crossing my fingers for that financial aid!), as well as providing me with recognition and reward. Really, I could not be more thrilled.
In fact, in 2007 when I left my full time job, this is exactly the life I dreamed of.
But now? It’s time to start reaching for my new dream. The one that gives me enough time to be my daughter’s mother (today’s work day was interrupted, happily, by Tori helping me cook the family dinner, eating the family dinner, and playing a round of Sorry with Tori and my mom before heading upstairs to hang out together and talk before Tori fell asleep – it’s not all work here) as well as have a couple hours a day to set aside specifically to write my book.
This book is like a stone in my mouth I can barely speak around some days. It’s fully cooked, ready to come out.
I just need time.
Sigh.
Again, I’ll admit these are, as we say on twitter, total #firstworldproblems, but it’s still a pain point in my life (arg – now slipping into entrepreneurship talk from my other day job) that needs addressing. I can keep talking about it, or I can look toward a way to make a change.
That’s all I’m saying. This post is just my version of a prayer to the universe saying: I’m ready, I’m open to the possiblities, show me the way.
Thanks for reading.
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
I couldn’t agree more. I think that everyone has that one thing, that thing that is like you said “a stone in my mouth I can barely speak over” it is the nagging item that we know we NEED to do but other priorities come first and others get set aside. I hope that you are able to find the TIME to start. To get those first sentences down and write.
Looking forward to hearing about your BlogHer experience and living vicariously through you!
Sounds like this book is begging to be written. The great thing is that because you are now known in the blogging world, you may have an “in” to the publishing world. So… One page at a time. :-) I’d definitely read your book.
I hear you. I’ve got novels to edit and novels still to write and violins to build and there just isn’t enough time even though most of it is sucked up by things I need and enjoy and love. If only we didn’t need sleep!
I know exactly what you mean! Feeling very much in the same place right now, where the “work” has taken over the pleasure. It’s hard to complain about the work but it leaves little time for creativity.
Hi Cecily-
I’m RadBrownBeauty on Twitter.I’m finally making it over to your blog again since I found your awesome express media kit for the BlogHer conference :-)
I too would love to pick your brain for tips but I get that you are completely overwhelmed so if it doesn’t happen I won’t take it personal :-)
I’ll be subbing to your RSS because I just love how you write :-) I rarely read full posts through. For one the text is too run on. I like how you write plus it’s interesting!
I hope you get to write your book soon. Sometimes you have to just block out the rest of the world (except your Tori of course) and get it done. Maybe take a hiatus from blogging for a minute? Maybe that’s not a good idea. I’m a relatively new blogger so who knows. Either way, here’s to BlogHer12!
oh cec, i’m there with you. doing the thing you love but not the way you want to do it. (i want to sit at my wheel and throw bowls for me, dammit, not work on a constant contact mailing, not deal with why my ipad will print everything but my java and acrobat pages.)
i wish i had a solution to share.
So many people are in the same boat, girl. So. Many.
Oh yes. You said this so perfectly. You need a sponsored sabbatical — do such things even exist??
One of my “secret” goals this year has been working on a book about the custody case. My only problem is it’s still going on.
When I made the goal of writing the book this year, at least up until where we are this year, I imagined I would have had more done on it than where I am going into the 8th month of the year. As I focus on the last few months of 2012, I’ve promised myself to sit down X amount of time per week to get it out. It’s eating at the inside of me and I hope by getting it out on paper, it’ll give it release.
You’ll probably have to do something similar. 5, 10, or 15 minutes a day, or an hour a week, however you can manage to scrap the time, but with a little effort I hope we can both find the time.
Totally jealous I won’t be at BlogHer this year to booby-hug you. I’m aiming for the next one since I’ll have next summer off school.
so, i’m reading this book about writing a book. funny because my excuse for so long has been time. this book states, and quite simply, you either make time or you never write. period.
i don’t want to be the one that never writes.
have fun at BlogHer. maybe i’ll see ya there!
I totally understand where you are coming from. I’ve cut out all my paying gigs slowly over the last 6 months in hopes that I can actually focus on growing my own work. So hard not to go back when there is actually pay involved.
I was actually in your group at BlogHer Writers for those with a Book Proposal back in October, and yah, I JUST wrote my first chapter last night. Completed at 1:30 am ;)
I think may of us struggle with this. You are not alone. Hope that it all falls into place for you soon.
I hear you! There’s just never enough time in the day. But it’s great to hear how successful you’ve become. I trust everything will eventually fall into place for you; you’ve got talent and drive.
I hope I find the nerve to come up to you for a boob-squishing hug next week!
Oh Cec, I hear you! The hours spent earning money for a job I am so excited to have make it so hard for me to pursue my creative side. For me, I make and build things and then write about them. I have 2 books in the works and multiple unfinished projects because I simply can’t find the hours.
Know that when you do write here we love it and are so proud of what you have accomplished. That thing called balance is so very hard. Working on a book takes so much time, but perhaps you could give yourself a set time every day to write just that – nowhere else. Or you could give yourself a goal like Chris Guillbeau does and say you will write 1,000 words a day or 500 or whatever works for you.
If you need some moral support I am here!
Here’s my 2 cents. (I’m in the book publishing biz, FWIW). If you can’t justify putting aside your other work to write a full manuscript, don’t do it. What I mean is: Don’t write the whole dingdang book. Write 1 chapter and outline the rest. Show that around. You’ve got a great network…use it. Get an agent or a publisher interested in your proposal. If you can manage that, you might (it ain’t easy, to be sure) get yourself an advance that makes it possible to put aside some of your other work temporarily. And even if that doesn’t work out, you’ll have a much better-formed book concept that you can chip away at in the small bits of time you do have.
I’m with you 100%. This is only my second BlogHer… but my 4th BlogHer event (Entrepreneurs/BET being my other). The more I wade into the waters, the more I realize that this is the place I do belong. I’m transitioning my work life (consulting) to meld with my blogging life, which I love. The more I participate, the more people I get to know.
So glad that YOU were one of the first people I met at BlogHer BET 2.5 years ago. How lucky was I to meet you and Deb Rox – (among others), just hanging in a hotel lobby.
What a joy, and you know what… when you do find that time. I can’t wait to read what stirs inside that amazing noggin you’ve got. (and let me know how you found that time, because I’ve got a book in me too)
Time. It always comes down to time for me too. Sitting here, scrolling through Facebook or Twitter, I have things that I want to say, posts I want to write…but there, not far away, is my ‘to-do’ list. Always longer than practical. The writing (of things that I want to write just because I want to write it), normally sits on hold . Then, when I find I can make the time, the inspiration and words are not always there. I am not as organized a person as I would like to be. Time-Management is not my forte. In a perfect world for me, I would be able to set something aside to satisfy the urges to write. I’ll admit, when I’ve done this, I always get edgy for having left too many other things undone. Ah, I hear you on this, my friend. When you figure it out, you’ll let me know, eh?
Funny how life takes turns our hearts might not want to follow. I suggest you dip into some of the writing link-ups. They’re not all just about getting clicks (which you obviously don’t need). I participate in yeahwrite.me and it’s all about microfiction. You could even do it anonymously with a dummy blog if you want it to be about writing and not # of followers.
I’m not telling you anything new, but sometimes options that are old can be recycled.
I met you at my first (and so far only) blog conference (Blissdom). While I wasn’t totally gobsmacked by the conference you impressed me greatly. Why? Because you were honest, real & unpretentious. You and your writing have given me courage to tell my story (bought the domain but haven’t published a word yet). You helped me realize I am so much more than the side of me portrayed in my present blog.
I can see that book in your eyes. It will come to fruition at the moment it is meant to be. I am looking forward to it. Continue to be your awesome self.
Love.This.Post.
The only way to do something is to do it. So maybe carve out 15 minutes a morning to work on the book and grow from there. Or make writing a page before bed an everyday thing. We all have time do the things that are a priority – we make time. When we say we don’t have time for something we are really saying it is not a priority right now (which is fine – we all make our own choices and life is fluid). So a good start might be speaking about your book as a priority and making small changes to have your life reflect it. Maybe re-prioritize other projects/activities? I don’t know the answers. But you do.
Yep, right there with you. You should read this if you get a chance: http://www.sunset.com/travel/anne-lamott-how-to-find-time-00418000067331/
Anne Lamott has a lot of wise words for this.
I told someone yesterday that I just need two more hours in my day. Just two. It is so hard to manage everything as a working mom. There is always the push and the pull and the need. People will say, “well surely we can find some time. Let’s look at your schedule.” When I start running down everything I do for them in a day they look at me with a stunned, glazed expression. There is just no more time.
I so get this. It’s hard to keep the creative side alive and kicking when pay-the-bills work and family and more quotidian aspects of life understandably clamor for our attention.
Come on out, book! We’re ready for you!! xoxo
I would love to read a book by you! I’ve been stopping in and reading your blog since, gosh, I think it was 2006. You were still trying to get pregnant. I read all about having Tori, and saw pics of your beautiful family. It’s been a couple years since I’ve checked in, but I’m so happy to see all the great news and hear of your success! Congrats!
Caitlin
Have a great time.
The book will come when it and you are truly ready for it. It’s like birth. And like others have said, make a daily appointment with yourself for the book. And stick to it no matter what. Give it the priority you think it deserves. Things will fall into place- they always do.
Have you read Stephen King’s On Writing?
A trick my husband has used (not sure if you could swing it, though) is to go away somewhere, far enough away from home that he is not tempted to come home, where there are cheap hotels and coffee houses where he could write. If you could manage a week away somewhere, you might be able to get it started. And you and Charlie could maybe each have a week alone to work on your projects.
It can be tough to do with a kid and a busy schedule, though.
There is a novel (or more) in me and it’s never wanted to come out more than RIGHT NOW. And yet. Yet I bite it back, tell it to wait until I can give it my full attention. I have too much going on. But when? When do I give in to that one thing that I know, I know, will be my shining glory? I love my blog, but the book. The book is where it is for me, the book is what I WANT to do. My blog is more of a get it all out need. I can’t answer my own questions, so I damn sure can’t offer you any advice on finding time. I do, however, hope that you find a way to carve out some time for the book, even if it’s slow going and just minutes a day. Minutes add up, right?
And I am going to find you at BlogHer for the hug I was too afraid to ask for after the session at Bloggy Boot Camp Philly in May.
You are a great writer and you need to complete your book. You have to make a date with yourself even if it’s for 30 minutes a day. Think of it as scared time. Just like you pour into Tori and want to give her the best you need to do that same for yourself. It’s HARD but you have to pour into yourself just as much as you pour into others. Take baby steps first and build up to the long distance running. I promise I will buy a copy of your book. I can’t wait to see you at BlogHer.
Girl, you need to do a residency in Vermont! I went 2x to paint and would love to go again to write. You can go for 2 weeks, and they have a lot of grants. Seems crazy to take off for 2 weeks, I know, but it really is a creative heaven there;) http://vermontstudiocenter.org/writers/
It makes sense to me that your writing – in the sense of writing your story YOUR STORY and not all the others would end up in the back seat…or even the trunk at this point. It is there, and perhaps you will find the key and drag it out. I would love to see you get a book deal that would make it possible to get that book on paper – I’d love to hear you read from that book at my local (still independent) bookstore in the bay area. Fingers crossed sooner rather than later!
Ah yes, TIME. There is NEVER enough to do all of the things you need and want to do, in life.
I am so looking forward to seeing you at Blogher … and also to reading YOUR book, whenever it comes out. Sometimes the saying, ‘We can have it all, just not all at the same time’ rings so true. It really feels like this is right around the corner for you, and wouldn’t that be so cool!
Oh I so get this..and I cannot wait to boob-squish hug you!
I can’t wait to read your book!