In a week I’m headed to New York City for five days for the annual BlogHer conference. You all might remember when I went to my first conference in 2008, so this is my fifth consecutive BlogHer. This year the conference is bigger than ever; 4,500 people will be attending (there were just over a thousand attending my first year).
In 2008 I was a relatively unknown blogger that only a couple of people recognized; the last two years so many people stopped me to chat that it took me an hour to walk across a room because, well, I’ve gotten to know everyone, and this might be the only time I get to give them boob-squishing hugs for a while. This year, with the addition of my work at MomCrunch, I’ve gotten to be better known as a social media expert, and that’s likely to change the tone of my interactions at BlogHer this year (in a good way; I’ve already gotten a bunch of emails from folks asking if they can meet with me to get some blogging advice).
Which is all good.
Except for one weird thing.
I’ve kind of lost my identity as a creative writer.
Don’t get me wrong; I am a complete social media and blogging geek. Having MomCrunch as both an excuse to stay on top of industry news as well as a place to write about the latest tech and social news (like today’s article about whether social based search will kill SEO – juicy stuff, yes?) – as well as get PAID to do so – is one of the great joys in my life. I’ve already had a couple of informal queries about my interest in writing an “industry book” about social media (very, very informal). And you know, sure, if the offer was right, I might do that.
But I want to write MY book. The one I’ve had burning in my heart since that first BlogHer in 2008. The one I came back from that conference ready to write.
TIME. I’m writing this post at 11:24pm while I watch The Daily Show. I finished working around 10:38pm. I got up and started work at 9am. I had three conference calls today. This is the fourth piece of web content I’ve written today.
I’m not sure I have more words.
Where am I going to get the words?
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not complaining (not really). I’m thrilled that my work is keeping us out of financial ruin, making it possible for me to send Tori to a private school this fall (crossing my fingers for that financial aid!), as well as providing me with recognition and reward. Really, I could not be more thrilled.
In fact, in 2007 when I left my full time job, this is exactly the life I dreamed of.
But now? It’s time to start reaching for my new dream. The one that gives me enough time to be my daughter’s mother (today’s work day was interrupted, happily, by Tori helping me cook the family dinner, eating the family dinner, and playing a round of Sorry with Tori and my mom before heading upstairs to hang out together and talk before Tori fell asleep – it’s not all work here) as well as have a couple hours a day to set aside specifically to write my book.
This book is like a stone in my mouth I can barely speak around some days. It’s fully cooked, ready to come out.
I just need time.
Again, I’ll admit these are, as we say on twitter, total #firstworldproblems, but it’s still a pain point in my life (arg – now slipping into entrepreneurship talk from my other day job) that needs addressing. I can keep talking about it, or I can look toward a way to make a change.
That’s all I’m saying. This post is just my version of a prayer to the universe saying: I’m ready, I’m open to the possiblities, show me the way.
Thanks for reading.