Okay, okay. 2010 wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Nothing particularly horrid happened. But a bad taste lingers in my mouth when I think of this last year, none the less.
Over the last few weeks I’ve seen a bunch of bloggers select a single word to describe the past year, and I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit and sadly, for me that word is pretty negative. I think the most likely word would be “regret.”
I regret taking that job last winter working for a company that not only damaged my standing in the blogosphere by association, but also damaged my professional reputation. I regret not immediately quitting the job the first time the owner of the company lost his shit and started screaming at me on the phone. I regret not keeping my freelance clients when I took the job and working doubly hard rather than sending them packing. I regret, even, trying to maintain a tiny sliver of professionalism and not name the company on social media sites because I’ve watched them suck in other bloggers to rake them through the same horrible experience I had.
I regret all of that, of course, because it eventually led to a near four-month period in which I wasn’t paid anything. A financial set back that still is affecting our family to this day, leading us to have our second Christmas without presents for the adults in our lives, a bankruptcy on file, and us almost losing our house.
I regret not taking steps to decrease our health insurance costs earlier in the year, leading us to our current lack-of-medical-insurance state. I regret not immediately seeking full-time employment when I first lost that job last spring, and pursuing getting my freelance clients back instead.
Then there are the non-financial regrets. I regret not exercising, sometimes not eating well, and not taking better care of my teeth. I regret not giving more to Charlie in our relationship, I regret yelling at Tori so much, I regret not being the best dog mom to Cannie Belle.
2010 is filled with regrets.
Truth be told, though, regret is probably the most useless emotion in the world. Seriously, all the regret in the world doesn’t turn the clock back and change the past. It is utterly fucking useless.
So I’m done with it. I’m turning my back on regret for the new year, and moving forward with hope and joy instead. I need to shrug off any left over negativity I possess as I go into the new year and my new job and our new health insurance. I’m going to bring my best to my job, my parenting, my marriage, and I’m going to practice better self care.
Bring it on, 2011. Cause this year things are going to be better.
So, what’s your word for 2010?
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this question. I thought it was an easy answer. The first word that came to mind was FREEDOM. But I’m not sure that sums it up. Courage, strength, life, confidence, beauty, breath, love, friends…
oh…I know what it is now. HOPE
I finally have it because I’m free and I can breath and have love and friends and strength and courage and confidence and beauty.
Hooray for 2010!
Mine….worse.
Every time I thought it would get better it got worse. So 2010 was worse.
Strength. I learned that I was strong, this year. I learned that I’ve been strong all along and that I just hadn’t recognized it because it was a quiet strength. I have loved this revelation, but hated the events that led up to it.
I actually applaud your optimism and positivity. C too could go for regret, but I think despair would be more honest at this point.
I despair that life will ever get better and feel worth living.
I had hope at the beginning of the year but it flew out of the window. I aspire to having hope.
Lots of love Cecily, to you and the other readers/writers here who remind me that I’m not alone and that the future is worth striving for.
Death – death of friends (I averaged one funeral per month this year. WTF?!), my career, hope.
I am going into 2011 with the hopes that I am now at the bottom and can only go up from here.
Here’s to a bright 2011!
I too had a shocker – but you know what? We are now going into 2011 with such positivity because we are working hard to not have a repeat – it sounds like all your lessons are ones learned (yes, I know they are hard ones – we too have a few of the things you mentioned happen here) and have now invested in the proverbial bargepole to not have to touch them!!
I wish you a wonderful, heathy, prosperous 2011–and I wish the same to me and all your readers!
Change.
Endless financial problems, escaping the abuse, divorce, cross-state move, employment and full-time school for the first time in 3 years, health insurance, meeting someone new and forming a positive relationship, watching my kids grow up too soon, losing 40 pounds. Yeah, lots of changes this year.
I’ll respond to this post with something I retweeted a few minutes ago:
RT @dmburrows This new years’ eve, I’m simply resoluting to forgive everyone… including myself
“MYSELF” —> operative word there.
Quietly forgive yourself and move on. Don’t make a big stink about it. We’ve all made mistakes, mis-assumptions, we’ve even tried too hard to mend things that are beyond mending. It’s human nature for some of us to try to make things work. I hope 2011 is much, MUCH better for all of you!
As for my word. I’ll have to think about it some more… :)
Transition. I became a motherless child and a childless-in-the-home mother. I miss my mother and I miss my children, but I’m becoming more comfortable in this new reality.
I have a friend who, instead of making resolutions for the new year, chooses a word to represent her hopes & dreams for the 365 days ahead of her.
So turn your back on regret, and what is your word for 2011, Cecily?
That being said, every year I try to make the resolution of “suck more surprise cock” but I never seem to follow through. Heck, I think I make it to the gym more.
xo
Cecily. I understand why regret might be your word, from your explanation above; it’s a valid word and that’s fine… but you didn’t mention all the awesome things that came out of this year. Yes, I read your blog all the time, and I’m here to say that you’ve truly inspired me throughout this year with some things you’ve said and done. I LOVED the house cleaning overhaul; it inspired me to tackle our closets and get rid of all the CRAP. And even though a lot of the cooking you’ve been doing was born out of necessity, it’s been cool to see just how much you can whittle away all the unnecessary spending for convenience and only spend on what matters. All the baking especially, I cook a lot more bread and muffin type stuff now instead of buying them at Starbucks, and it saves a ton!! So, ok, I understand the feeling of regret, I really do… but that’s just another way of learning. Look at all you’ve learned this year! It’s amazing, and I congratulate you. Love your blog, love your honesty. Please don’t regret or change that!!
I’m sorry you had so much regret and financial crisis this year. Maybe you should include the word ‘wealth’ to your resolution for next year. Open yourself to the money and let it flow.
My word for the year is ‘grind’. From Christmas eve last year where we put in an offer for a house we wanted the first time, found out it was a short sale, and everything went down hill from there. It was just constant work, from trying to buy a house to fixing our house to trying to sell our house to packing moving and unpacking. I don’t think I went on a single date with my husband, not even just to a movie, not once. We took our kids to the aquarium once, and once to a science museum. I can’t remember a single day of joy and happiness that wasn’t clouded by stress or just plain grunt work, day in an day out. Next year is the year I restore and rebuild, my house, my marriage, my kids, and myself. I just want to spend some time being happy in our new home and settling our kids in and enjoying my husband’s company again.
For me I have to go with “pain”.
Discovering my husband’s affair. Emotional pain, depression and anxiety.
My husband walking out on me and the kids. Emotional pain and depression.
Not finding employment, struggling financially esp when my ex husband fought to pay child support to keep a roof over his kids’ head. Financial pain and anxiety.
Giving birth to my son. It was a hard pregnancy, but in the end the physical pain was worth it.
I had some non-painful moments in 2010 (most of which was in the last 8 months). But overall I had a lot of shit going on this year and I cannot wait to put it all behind me. Here’s hoping 2011 is my year to rock.
You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.
Love your take on regret. It is a worthless emotion if we allow ourselves to get too wrapped up in it. Take the knowledge gained from the experiences and move on. Can’t change the past.
My word would be apathetic, which is sad, because a lot of good filled my life. However, between the crumbling of my sister’s marriage which led to losing a relationship with a man who was more of a brother after 25 years, to my father’s cancer returning… I just find myself feeling nothing. Maybe it’s just a defense mechanism for not feeling the emotions that go along with all this.
…we will not regret the past nor shut the door on it.
Stress. From the never ending back/stomach pain (will be one full year in a week) to guilt for not working hard enough encouraging my son to talk to the never ending depression to not taking care of myself very well to worrying about bills and the lack of money to pay for them…
Stress.
I can’t even imagine 2011 being any different. Hell, I can’t imagine 2012 being any different.
Stress for me too. Two jobs, never enough money, bankruptcy that was challenged by our former landlord (vindictive slumlords) that led to massive amounts of work to address, three months behind in rent (although soon to catch up). Yeah. It’s been stressful. We have a couples counselor and I swear that is the only reason we have made it through all this. We can save the tough discussions for when the referee is there.
What word do I want to describe 2011: fulfillment. Not just drudgery day in and day out. Some time for me, some time to do things that matter to my kids.
isolation is my word. It sucks big time. My family and I moved 2500 miles away. I work from home and have 2 little kids and a husband who works a ton. While I am very thankful we are in a good financial spot, this move has been so fucking hard. We have no friends or family here and while I have met so many great people they are not yet good friends. It is so hard for me to feel so alone all of the time. Everything is so different here (we moved from va beach to tucson az). I hope to grow to appreciate what the desert has to offer…but coming from beautiful Virginia it is a complete culture shock. It is a horrible miserable way to live and I hope in 2011 I will be in a better place mentally. Anyways…onward and upwards right??
There are so many one word descriptions I could use for this year.
It started with
Sadness
and is ending up with
Hopeful.
Happy New Year! I made a really significant decision in 2010, which will come to fruition in 2011 so I am super excited about this new year. Life is all about learning lessons, so I hope that 2010 has been a learning experience for you and that things turn around for the better. Onward to brighter future! All the best!
I had a lot of turmoil this year, so that’s my word. I gained a lot of weight through it, so this coming year is going to be about fixing that.
Show me the adult who doesn’t have regrets. Some are bigger than others, but everybody has some.
My condolences for all your losses, Maggie.
I disagree with you that regret is a pointless emotion. 2008 was my year of regret. And to be honest I am glad I feel that way. Regret will keep me from making the same mistake over and over. I regret it, I can’t change it but I sure as hell can make sure to never repeat the actions that led to my regret again.
Regret has made me grow as a person. It has made me realize my failings and successes. It has made me proud that I can be honest about myself and that I learned something. I like regret. I just won’t wallow in it.
I am giving 2010 a hyphenated word: ‘not-horrible.’
We had to move 3 times last year. That was bad. I was employed all except about 6 weeks. That was good. I now have a great job with great pay and great benefits. That is very good. We still cannot live in our house (it is 1000 miles away from my great job). That is bad.
Therefore I christen 2010 Not-Horrible.
My word for 2010 is FINALLY. We finally got back into our house after an 18 month fire renovation. I finally hit menopause officially, after 5 years of peri misery. Some other big issues are looming unresolved, but I expect to find closure on them soon. Finally.
My word to describe this year is PUSH. It felt like I had to push a rock up the hill to try to acheive anything – keeping my sanity while I juggled my business and returning to school. Maintaining a hard fought weight loss (although still miles to go – made a start and pushed with all my might to hang on). Pushed away anxiety about money, taxes, family angst. Pushed some buttons (my own and others) that I should not have – but also allowed people to push aside my veneer of faux strength and get inside to help me heal. Pushed my way to the front of the line for me on one or two occassions (yay me!). Today am pushing through a massive pile of loose ends so that I can begin 2011 with a clean slate. Sigh……
Looking for a word for 2011. How about QUENCH?!
2010 was, in a word, a rollercoaster.
The highs were wonderful… landing a rewarding and well-paying job, which ended almost two years of unemployment between myself and my husband. We found a fantastic daycare for our children, we went on our first family vacation. We celebrated with friends who got married, had babies, and found new jobs. We added a puppy to our home and sold a car that was nothing but trouble and expense. We focused on our marriage and children.
The lows were pretty bad. My beloved grandfather died after a long illness. We discovered that our dog had intolerable cancer and we held her while she went to sleep for sleep for the last time. We continue to battle financial issues leftover from job losses.
All we can do is keep moving forward and hoping for the best.
Regret totally sucks!
2010 was about progress, and 2011′s key word will be transition.
Clarity. I thought it was going to be a terrible year and instead it was life-altering. In a good (mostly) way. Losing a job that is making you miserable on many levels can do that, I guess.
Mom’s dying of Alzheimer’s.
Roger’s dad is dying of heart disease.
Tried everything; still suffer from fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue.
Girls are great.
Husband is great and has a p/t job that he took after retiring from state, so that’s good.
Great to spend more time with the kids.
But I was not cut out to be a SAHM.
Dreading 2011 already.
Trying to be positive.
2010can suck balls for so many reasons. The only thing positive was the birth of my son everything else simply sucked. My mom died in late 2009 and in 2010 my dad died andIsuffered a massive stroke three days after I gave birth.
I think my word for 2011 would be STRENGTH! To do what I know needs to be done.
All the best to you and yours in 2011, may you too have the strength to make your life as you want it
my 2010 was filled with fear and alot of it. By a mircle from above my son & I made it. They said we would not, I said we would and the only thing I had was faith. So 2011 watch out I am renewed and believe in things so much bigger then I. wishing your 2011 to be amazing.
love & hugs
I guess for me the word is grateful. It was a good year- not without challenges, but they were overcome. I’m grateful for the UI that allowed us to make a plan to live on one salary, pay off what we needed to in order to accoplish that goal, and transition pretty painlessly to just living on his salary. I’m grateful for a relatively easy pregnancy, and the beautiful baby boy napping in his crib as I write this. I’m grateful for a beautiful 2yo baby girl who makes me laugh and is always saying the funniest things. Grateful for a patient hubby, who loves me even when I’m snappish. Grateful that though my godson may not be doing as well as we’d hoped, he’s alive and we’re not out of options yet. I’m just grateful- I have a lot of blessings, and have been very lucky.
Necessary.
It’s had some great stuff (I’ve really learned just how awesome my friends and family are, including my stepkids, and had a lot of fun, and learned a lot about myself and just how much I really CAN do) but by and large it’s been a rough year. I left my husband in June and have been muddling through that mess for the entire year. There have been three deaths in my husband’s family, and my side of the family has had plenty of drama with incest and single motherhood and whatnot.
My two mottoes for the year have been “Walk it through” (as in, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and finish what you start) and “Don’t be stupid.”
I’m really looking forward to 2011 seeing my first marriage wrapped up and me moving on into my future. It’s a good one; I just have a ways to go between here and there yet.
2011 will be connecting. I have made huge growth last years but most has stayed inside me. I haven’t shared or connected that much with people who can help me grow. I really really plan for 2011 to make better connections for myself and my family!
2010 was totally precious. My long-awaited twin baby girls were born at the end of 2009, and 2010 was The Year Of My Babies. I was lucky enough to take a 7-month maternity leave (2 months unpaid) and I love being an at-home mom. It was the hardest year of my life (TWO babies, for goodness sake!) but a dream come true. Yeah, I came back to a 20% cut at work, and we will be struggling. But…my babies are here. It will all work out.
Love, Laura
Oh Christina! That’s awful. I’m so sorry.
This post got me thinking so much.
So much that I decided to start writing in the hope that it could help me too.
So thank to you all
I think that my word for last year is “Stability.” We became more financially solvent (or at least, we’re both making enough that we can pay the rent without having to go to the foodshelf), my husband and I became stronger as a couple, my kiddo’s mental health struggles are way more under control, we have a daily schedule and a regular bed time (for every member of the family!) and it just goes on… I love it.
I think that this next year is going to be about “Growth”.
I respectfully disagree that regret is useless. If it is heartfelt and causes you to make a positive change in your life or someone elses it is not useless. It is sad. Sad that we sometimes have way more regret than we should. But I think that the only time regret is useless is if you don’t act on it to change something or make amends.
My word for last year… Stress. I’s been a tough year. Some my fault, some not. My Word for 2011… Repair. Fix the biggest of the things that in my life that are broken. Or at least try to fix the parts that *I* can fix. It’s a long list. Maybe that could be my word for the decade.
I know this post is almost a month old but I’m still thinking about it so thank you for that.
http://fightingforsanity2010.wordpress.com/2011/01/25/regrets/