So last night I was watching the Daily Show, and a commercial for Special K cereal comes on. It shows a lovely women wearing a bright red turtleneck sitting in a tiny chair meant for a child, having fun playing "tea" with what you assume is her daughter. The little girl looks to be somewhere around five or six years old. Then the phone rings, and the woman stands up to get it, and the chair sticks to her hips and butt. So she pauses for a moment looking shell-shocked, then you hear the announcer say something along the lines of, "Are you ready to lose the weight?" and this woman — this incredibly slender, healthy looking woman — heads off for a tiny bowl of Special-K cereal to launch her new diet. (I tried to find video to embed and couldn't).
This woman is not just what I personally consider to be thin — basically, I find anyone fitting into a size 18 or lower to be pretty darn skinny by my scale — she is THIN. Probably in person a size four or maybe a size six. Far more thin that the average American woman, who is supposedly a size 12. In fact, she looks much like what you remember being a perfectly acceptable size to be on television say about ten years ago, before our current size zero craze started.
What gets me about this ad is that for some reason, this woman — WOMAN — is supposed to feel ashamed that she is in fact an adult and has an adult sized body. In other words, she should feel horrible guilty and immediately LAUNCH A DIET because her ass is SO HUGE she cannot fit into a chair designed for a five-year-old. Instead of applauding her for being skinny enough to get in the god damned chair in the first place. Because Lord knows I couldn't.
There is so much to respond to about that ad. The whole down-sizing — literally — of women's bodies, the idea that we should stay fragile and child-like (even removing all of our body hair!), the public shaming of a woman, and the fact that she stays silent in the commercial so we don't have to really acknowledge her. It drives me and my feminist heart crazy, frankly.
But what I really want to talk about is the challenge of maintaining my current healthy-eating plan — my complete and utter NON diet — while being bombarded with a New Year onslaught of advertisements and people talking about dieting. While I am extremely happy for my friends that are all working on increasing exercise and changing up how they eat — if that's what they want to do, more power to them — I find that I have been so trained by our society to think that dieting is the ONLY way to do things, that I have to work triple-time this time of year to keep to my intuitive eating principals, and know that the way I am doing things is the RIGHT way for me.
Complicating that is the fact that I am losing weight. Slowly but surely, the needle on the scale is moving (yes, I know having a scale is counter to the principals of intuitive eating, but I still have it from my pregnancy when I did have to watch for weight spikes, a common symptom of preeclampsia, plus Charlie uses it now, so I can't help checking my weight now and again) lower. I'm feeling better, stronger, leaner, and more content with my body as it gets smaller. Note that I am not deliberately trying to lose weight; my main goal is not weight loss but sanity when it comes to food: I want to have a good, happy relationship with what I put in my body to sustain my energy.
When the intuitive eating is in balance, I basically do not think about my food at all. I select something I want for each meal, paying attention to what my body is asking for. Do I need carbs? Do I crave protein? Does fruit sound good? Am I craving veggies? Then I just make my meal without a thought. I eat it, enjoy it, and then I forget about it. The worst thing about all those years dieting is how MUCH TIME I put into eating. When dieting I have to plan my food carefully, and it was always about getting the biggest volume for the smallest calories/points/etc. I would think about my meals between meals, counting the minutes until I could eat again, because I was always so damned hungry. If I slipped and ate something I wasn't "supposed" to, I would spend hours agonizing about it afterward, feeling guilt and shame that, more often than not, led me to binge. And I would spend hours daydreaming about eating enough food to feel full, food that I longed for and denied myself.
In other words, dieting left me obsessed with food.
But when I wasn't dieting, I was just as bad. I was a sea of craving, constantly planning the next high-calorie indulgence, going to the store far too often to get whatever I wanted. If I wanted something sweet, I of course also bought something salty to "balance" it. When I ate high-calorie, high-fat, highly processed food on a regular basis, I would regularly have a sweeping food high after eating, accompanied by an equally strong crash and burn that created still more cravings.
Intuitive eating has changed that for me. My meals are, generally, simple and delicious and healthy, and don't cause big craving swings. But if I want a donut, I eat a god damned donut. If I want some potato chips, I go ahead and have some. When they are done, they are done, and I don't think about them ever again.
It is so completely liberating.
When the holidays ended I felt, just like most of us, that kind of drag-ass feeling I get from eating too many rich foods too many days in a row. So I tossed the leftovers and went back to eating normally. But my brain is a sick and twisted place, and can easily try to trick me into dieting. I've found myself over the last few days eating energy bars and calling it lunch, and going to bed hungry because my 25+ years of dieting training tell me that is good, that I'm a good girl if I'm hungry.
I fucking hate it.
Thank GOD for that commercial last night. Because it snapped me right out of my New Year's daze and reminded me of what really matters — sanity around food, not trying to get small enough to fit in a child's chair. But the ad still enrages me.
We have it tough as women in this country. Every where we look someone is telling us that we are wrong: we're are pushy bitches if we fight for what we want, we aren't young enough, pretty enough or thin enough. No matter what area of advertising that is targeting toward women you discuss, the underlying theme is SHAME. We should be ashamed of looking like we do, acting like we do, thinking like we do.
I'm done with it. Fuck you, Special K. Even if you are owned by a company that shares my last name.
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While we're talking about beauty and bodies: have you voted for Sarah? She's competing in another photography contest, and she needs votes! All you have to do is go to THIS LINK and click on the stars below her photos (go ahead, give her five stars. That would be the last star, the one all the way to the right; you don't have to click all five of the stars. Just the last one. M'kay?). No registration required. And you can vote once every 24 hours! Do it for me, pretty please? :D
{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }
Amen, amen, amen!!!! I must look into this intuitive eating thing. Sounds way better than the alternatives. I laughed out loud when you said this:
“But when I wasn’t dieting, I was just as bad. I was a sea of craving, constantly planning the next high-calorie indulgence, going to the store far too often to get whatever I wanted. If I wanted something sweet, I of course also bought something salty to “balance” it.”
That’s me in a nutshell!
I am so with you! I’m so tired of it, bombarding us with this crap. I exercise because I WANT to. Because it relieves stress and makes me feel good. It helps me sleep better. But, damnit, I don’t believe in dieting. I don’t think I should feel guilty about eating ice cream or chips or something once in a while. And I’m never, ever giving up potatoes, that’s just madness. I like the way I look, and the way I feel, so PBLTT!!
Besides, have you tried Special K? It tastes like crap! Cardboard crap!
Wow. Brilliant post, Cecily. I haven’t seen the ad in question, but by the sounds of it, Kelloggs should be shamed publicly for putting it out there. I truly hope someone from the company reads this.
All the best to you in your quest for healthy eating. I need to remember to do the same as I strive to be as healthy as I can be.
We’ve all been home sick this week so we’ve been watching alot of TV, needless to say I have seen the outrageous amount of diet-related commercials. I totally agree with what you said about the messages they give. And my daughter sees these, they are even on the kids’ channels!!
And really, wouldn’t we all lose weight if two of our meals each day were a bowl of cereal with milk?! Like 200 calories or something?
I HATE that commercial for all the reasons you say..and equally ridiculous is the notion that it is healthy to follow a diet (for any reason) based on one cereal–ugh!
AMEN.
Hear hear!
I am exercising because it feels GOOD and I am getting stronger. Do I still have back rolls? Yep, but I also can lift more weight, carry myself straighter and am stronger all around.
Do I want to be thinner? Sure. I have been brainwashed like the rest of American women. Somehow, we have become a country of people who are obsessed with being thin, rich and always working…
yeah that commercial pissed me off too! I decided yesterday to actually shop in a store that sold things in my size, rather than buying the largest size in a “regular” store and hoping it fit. you know what? I am so comfortable today, nothing feels too tight. it is is awesome!!!
Wow, Cecily…I usually don’t agree with you, as you know, but I agree wholeheartedly with you on that commercial. It bothered me, and now I know why… :)
Not only do I enthusiastically agree with you: the idea of making women so frail, mute, child-like and weak disgusts me but then there is this other side of me that pathetically? Wants to be the zero. I know I shouldn’t but I do. Bleh.
AFREAKINGmen. I did do WW a few years back. And I successfully lost 70+ pounds. But good GOD the WORK! Every day was spent planning every morsel of food that would enter my mouth, counting and counting and counting. It was exhausting. Now, with a toddler and a baby, I just don’t have the patience to deal with any of that. I’m focusing on working out. I neeeeeed that. The food will take care of itself. I’m paying attention..and making the best choices I can for each meal and snack. But, like you, if I want a dad gum Blizzard from Dairy Queen I’m going to go get it. And not beat myself up about it for three days.
Thanks so much for this post… just about 10 minutes ago i was leaving the bathroom and contemplating how much weight i can lose by an anticipated trip in march and i heard in my head, “how much weight do i have to lose to be acceptable to you?”. it shocked me and made me lose my balance for a second. and it is so true. how much?
damn diets.
i totally saw that same commercial and thought idly about how thin she was and that it was strange that she was going to diet. i totally did not think about the whole “child’s chair” aspect. thanks for pointing that out to me.
i just love your blog.
Agreed!
I hate those Special K commercials, for all those reasons you stated above, and their promise that you can lose ‘up to 6 lbs in two weeks’. (!!!)
That’s just ridiculous – sure, a person might lose 6 lbs in two weeks if all they ate was tiny bowls of Special K, but it’s not sustainable or lasting weight loss.
I am trying to lose weight in a very slow and deliberate way (aiming for 1/2 to 1 lb per week)…I’ll admit that I would really, really like to weigh less than my husband (a small man, at 5’7” and a long distance runner at that) – but mostly because I no longer feel comfortable in my body. I want to feel physically better, not hungry, not guilty, and not shameful.
Argh.
I saw that ad and hoped you say something about it. Ridiculous crap.
please check out the Dockers ad campaign on facebook. It’s a sea of no no no and I’d like to hear your thoughts.
Ooooh I’ve seen that commercial and it burns my biscuit! In fact, most of the Special K commercials suck.
What is worse than the commercials nattering at us, the doctors are in on it too. When I was pregnant with my twins, all the “healthy twin pregnancy” books said that almost all the rapid weight gain should be in the first and second trimesters, and that I should eat everything I could get my hands on. Well, of course, everything in the world smelled like shit, I had no appetite to speak of, and most of what I ate made me feel sick or gave me heartburn. Instead of gaining weight in the 2nd trimester, I was losing weight, and I was in a panic. What did the doctors do? Pat me on the back and told me what a great job I was doing, even though I wasn’t on target to gain what is normal for a singleton pregnancy, let alone a twin pregnancy. All the nurses beamed at me, and told me how easy it would be to lose the baby weight, and what a good job I was doing. WTF? I was trying to grow 2 healthy babies, not exactly worried about my girlish figure.
I love your intuitive eating approach. It has usually served me well, but now that my metabolism has slowed down I definitely have to exercise more to maintain the same weight. Needless to say, nowadays I’m doing more gaining than maintaining, if you know what I mean.
And here I thought I was the only one that HATED that commercial. How can eating a bowl of cereal twice a day for your only meals be healthy? All this obsession with dieting has only produced a population more and more obese. Sick, sick, sick.
You are right on. I had an immediate incredulous reaction to that stupid commercial. I don’t watch TV, but I do watch Hulu and they have been showing it often.
WTF is next- we’re supposed to wear barbie shoes, carry stuffed kitties and fit into clothes from Gymboree? Your analysis hits the nail on the head.
Well said, I say!
you hit it out of the park again CEC. Proud to be your friend
BRAVO!!!
I am standing up right now and applauding. This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time.
I’ve been doing the same thing re: intuitive eating for the last 3-4 months (though I hadn’t put a name to it) and I have found the results to mirror yours. But it’s not about the number, it’s about the fact that I feel SO much better and I spend no stress energy worrying about “Should I eat/should I have eaten that?”
I saw that commercial and thought the same damn thing.
I saw that commercial and I legitimately didn’t get it until the voiceover came on. At first I really thought since they were doing crafts that she had superglued herself to the chair. I think I didn’t compute b/c she didn’t look at all out of shape to me.
A-freakin’-men, sister!
Brilliant analysis and call to LISTEN to our bodies, not the media, not the scale, not twig-standards.
I’ve pretty much been an intuitive-type eater for a WHILE…and recently, when I noticed I’d gained more weight than was maybe healthy? I looked to fruit and veg as a first choice for a snack instead of something in the chocolate and nut family…and I lost a few pounds. Voila. :P
So glad Maura linked this. :D
“In other words, she should feel horrible guilty and immediately LAUNCH A DIET because her ass is SO HUGE she cannot fit into a chair designed for a five-year-old. Instead of applauding her for being skinny enough to get in the god damned chair in the first place.”
When you nail it, you really nail it. Thank you for that.
I would love to read the creative brief that the ad team worked off of when they created the concept.
last line prior to break…PRICELESS.
I say you send this post to Special K/Kellogs brand.
Preach on Cecily! Gawd do I love this post.
And, I have voted for Sarah.
I was in a store yesterday and on of the magazines had Kendra Wilkinson on it sharing her diet secrets to lose baby weight, bragging that she’s lost 20 lbs in the 3 weeks since her baby’s been born.
This upset me becasue, after a baby is born i feel a mother should be allowed to focus on her newborn, not her waistline, and celebrities who make me feel guilty for spending time with my baby are evil. Also she had a 9+lb baby, and with the placenta and all of the other birth stuff, I’m sure that she’s already close to 20 lbs.
Grrr….
Stupid Hollywood telling me that my figure is more important than my newborn!
(okay so I’m at term and a little hormonal, but it’s just lame! and this totally tweeks 2 of my buttons, dieting to look like a lollypop and attachment parenting, or lack thereof)
ha! I yell at the tv every time I see it. Her ass can’t fit in a chair for a toddler and she panics. What an effed up message. As always, an awesome post.
I actually saw this ad because we were in a hotel and had access to commercial TV for a week. It bothered me, too, but I didn’t dissect why. I completely agree with your analysis and applaud your intuitive eating success. And I’m so glad to be away from TV commercials again. Yuk!
Boy, do I hear this. I look at my 3 year old daughter’s beautiful little body, her cute little behind… and I think it looks like the butts of the anorexic nymphettes in Maxim. And it freaks me right the fuck out. Between that and the whole hairless vulva craze, I think we are not just psychologically harming women and girls, not just creating pathologies that end in physically sick bodies, we, as a society, are setting young girls up to be victims of sexual abuse, or at best, inappropriate sexual attention.
What’s wrong with adult women looking like adults? Why have we sexualized extremely young children? What the hell is wrong with us?
I understand your point, and am not at all dismissing that. However, I just want to point out that despite the fact that you say the average American woman is a size 12 that doesn’t mean that size 12 is healthy. For some body types it will be, but keep in mind the high percentage of Americans are considered obese.
Excellent analysis of that awful commercial!
Seeing as how my thigh fat just busted through the seam of my jeans, I will be “dieting”. I agree “death to all diets” but I don’t have money for new jeans!
You know, I don’t buy Dove products, but I should, because at least they are trying to look like they see all women, not just emaciated ones. I take a cynical eye to their ad campaign — clearly they want to make money just like everyone else — but I think they are much smarter about it.
(This comment NOT sponsored by Dove. :-D)
I think about your intuitive eating every time my own brain says “It’s time to start paying attention to your weight.” I’ve been basically eating what I want/need this past year… and while my dress size has creeped up about half a size, I have not gained any weight. But even more significant to me is that I now also crave exercise. I haven’t started an exercise regime, mind you, because my brain is not ready to make the time for it (how’s that for a rationalization?), but it is something I’ve been thinking about as “wanting” to do instead of “having” to do, and that is major for me.
In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a totally average size 10/12 and I only feel larger because I was once a solid size 8. But seriously? I’ve given birth to 3 children, I work full time… and I’m pretty happy with it all. I hate feeling like I’m supposed to be on a diet b/c I’m no longer the size 8 I was 10 years ago.
Thanks for keeping it real for us.
I hate the Special K commercials. I really hated the one where the lady was bent over and the little girl thought she was Santa even though you could tell the mom was probably a size 6. I do not think I could ever or would ever do a Special K diet. That’s ridiculous. I have looked into the intuitive eating thing, but not enough to start doing it. I have gotten myself a pair of Reebok Easytones though, for work and man! They’re like walking on a cloud of air, but then when I walk at a decent pace I can feel my calves a lot more! Crazyness!
I struggle with trying to eat right too..I have no balance I am all or nothing. It is hard I do know that when I eat better I feel better and sleep well…for what that is worth. Doesn’t stop me from eating what I should not though!
OMG I just saw that commercial and I’m totally pissed off!!! Are they freaking kidding me?! Fine, even thin women need to eat healthy or whatever. But acting as if her ass is big enough for that chair to stick in it? That’s insulting. Made me want to punch the freaking TV. =P
I friggen hate that Special K commercial. I remember thinking these very same things when I saw it. Oh no, you’re stuck in a toddler chair! You’re supposed to be you idiot. To me it makes skinny women who think they need to diet look like morons.
An excellent post. Beauty, my dear, comes in many shapes, sizes and colors. We should never allow the media to convince us otherwise.
i’ve been a reader for a couple years, and have related (and even been brought to tears) on many occasions. this post, however, is probably the most personally important to me. raising a young daughter within this women-shaming social framework is something that causes me a lot of worry. you stated it beautifully. that special K campaign, amongst others, is infuriating. thanks, cecily. your words did a lot for my own campaign to listen to my body amidst to maddening cacophony. hold true, and peace be with you, sister.
Well, Special K can’t use a “get healthy” theme because what’s so healthy about processed carbs that go right to sugar in your body? So they have to trade on the idea of women being too fat.
I personally will never fit in a toddler chair. I would not be able to be small enough. Nature blessed (??) me with big shoulders, big boobs and big hips. Really big hips. Even at my smallest size ever, with a 28-inch waist, I was a size 14.
But I must say that I am so grateful that I did weight loss surgery last year. I’m sure lots of people will think it’s wrong, but after 17 years of struggling, I have lost 90 lbs this past year. I now am satisfied with small amounts of food. I now CAN eat intuitively. The problem for me before was that if I ate intuitively, my intuitions told me to eat a whole bag of chocolates instead of one or two. For some reason, my body or mind just couldn’t do it.
I think the way you are doing this is fantastic and that you are getting results in your efforts to be healthier. I wish I could have done the same, but I’m grateful that I had an alternative that worked for me. I do miss eating large meals, but I don’t miss not being able to fit into movie theater seats, or sitting through a meal at a restaurat with the arms cutting into my hips painfully. My life is definitely easier these days with that weight gone. Even if I don’t lose any more (and I do hope that I do–maybe when I can get an exercise program started) things have improved. I hope that your situation continues to improve and that you get as comfortable as I am at this point. (I hope that made sense!)
I think about this a lot. Since I went on a media diet (and then never quite got off of it), I have noticed that media like TV and magazines create a kind of place. When I’m not in that place, it just doesn’t seem like it holds a lot of power.
Like, if my neighbor collects butterflies, and is obsessed with them, then in his house, it kind of seems like butterflies are really important, and all that goes with it. But then back at my house, they’re just insects, you know?
TV is like the crazy neighbor. The only reason it seems like “its” opinions about women’s bodies matter is because everyone watches it. If no one watched it, it would be just like the crazy neighbor and its “space” would be very small.
Once I got out of that space, I realized how many other people are outside of it, too.
Anyway, super smart thoughts you had. :)
Thank you. :)
Cecily
So annoying, right?
Cecily
I hated that commercial, too. Having three daughters with widely varying body types makes watching broadcast TV seem like a veritable minefield of weight-loss, booty-shape-up, push-up bra commercials; there’s an insult there for every one of them.
I love this post! As someone who’s weighed between 200 – 100 pounds in the past 10 years, and gone back and forth between innumerable times, I relate.
I too, have become a more intuitive eater, and yes, I’ve seen a reduction in cravings (and my waistline).
Cecily – you said it:
I’m done with it. Fuck you, Special K. Even if you are owned by a company that shares my last name.
I can’t agree more.
Cecily, loved the whole post, especially the ‘silent’ woman part! ARGHHH!! Who wrote the commercial? However the sheer genius is the final line! You said it “I’m done with it. Fuck you, Special K. Even if you are owned by a company that shares my last name.” Now I may not share their name, Special V cereal would be odd beyond belief, but I loved the way you wove your name in w/theirs but pointed out you didn’t want anything to do with Sp. K.
This is AMAZING! Thank you for writing this.
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