Hard Times

Hello everyone.  I’m Charlie.

First I want to thank all of you who have shared your prayers, thoughts, and good wishes for Cecily, myself, and our boys.  Your words of encouragement and support have been invaluable, and we are deeply and truly grateful for your generosity.

The events of the past 34 hours, as you may well imagine, have shaken us to the bone.  What began as a routine 22-week ultrasound for healthy mom and twins rapidly cascaded into a series of unforeseen tragedies.  I thank Sarah for keeping all of you updated as the details were revealed. 

With growing concern for Cecily’s health and having received confirmation of her severe pre-eclamptic symptoms from our doctor and his colleagues, it became clear around dawn this morning that the time for difficult choices had arrived.  We were told in compassionate but firm language that keeping Cecily both alive and pregnant for the next 4-6 weeks, in hopes of reaching viability for the surviving fetus, was not a possibility.  We were also confronted with a staggering array of potential outcomes facing Cecily if we chose to attempt the impossible…ranging from liver damage and kidney failure to stroke and brain damage. 

With Cecily’s health as our primary concern we reluctantly agreed to allow our doctor to terminate the pregnancy. 

* * *

Cecily emerged from the procedure this afternoon, but before I was allowed to see her I had a chance to meet with our doctor.  The idea of losing her, as well as our boys, was beyond my imagination, as was my relief when our doctor informed me that she is expected to make a full and complete recovery.  He believes that, although the specific cause of this tragedy may never be known, it was likely an isolated incident, and not predictive of future pre-eclampsia or other pregnancy-related problems for Cecily. 

* * *

I finally had a chance to see Cec, looking remarkably well, considering the circumstances.  They’d used an epidural to numb her lower body and thus avoided intubating her.  She is alert, talking, and hungry (a good sign).  Sarah printed out pages and pages of your good wishes and brought them to Cecily this afternoon.  Reading them has been perhaps the best medicine she could possibly receive at this time.

I’m sure she can convey her feelings far better than I can…and I’m sure she will when she returns home for a much needed week of R ‘n’ R.  As for the future, I can’t say.  Grief, I have learned, is a strange beast.  And we both will need to take some time to say goodbye to our dear boys in our hearts.

Thank you all again.
-Charlie

Comments Closed

Comments

  1. Natalie says

    I’m so very, very sorry for the loss of your twin sons.
    Last night when I read the news my brain felt fuzzy and confused at the enormity of your loss and I woke up feeling the same way.
    Please know that strangers around the world are holding you close in their hearts and sending all of their love to your family.
    I am just so sorry.

  2. says

    Dear Cec and Charlie. I thought about you guys all night. I am so overhwhelmed with grief and I am a complete stranger. I could only imagine what you must be going through.
    Please know that my well wishes and prayers will be with you for a long time to come and I wish you nothing but health, healing and happiness. or whatever you can muster first.
    All my love.

  3. Sandy says

    Dear Cecily, Charlie and Sarah,
    I am so sorry.
    It all looked so possible, so wonderful.
    I am so sad for you. And angry.
    Whe you are able to think, let me know what I can do.
    Much love,
    Sandy

  4. says

    I’ve been thinking about you both a lot over the past 24 hours and I’m so relieved to hear that Cecily is going to be okay. Thanks so much for posting Charlie.

  5. says

    I am at a loss for words. Nothing i say can make you feel better. Just know that you WILL get over this and that you have so many people thinking of you. You will be in my thoughts Cecily!
    God bless you!

  6. Colleen says

    Cecily & Charlie,
    I stumbled accross your site by accident a little over a week ago and was so moved by your loving decision to share your process so openly. I think you have made a more hopeful impact on more people than you might imagine.
    Because I found you just a day before things went wrong, I was shocked and horrified to see the tragic turn of events. I want you to know that you have touch lives far away from your own and that may people you have never met were worrying about you and grieving with you through all of this.
    All the best

  7. MichelleL says

    I wanted to express my condolences for your losses. I have enjoyed following your ups and downs and was deeply saddened by the recent tragic events.
    Please know many people over the internet are thinking of you and are thinking positive thoughts for your recovery.
    Sincerely,

  8. Kel says

    Another voice in chorus of sadness. Please know that you are not alone. Recover well and hold each other tightly.
    Kel

  9. cressa says

    Cecily, Charlie, words seem useless. I am so sorry this tragedy has befallen you. I pray for your precious sons, for Cecily’s health and that you find a path through this terrible time together.

  10. Lisa O says

    Oh Cecily and Charlie – I am so terribly sorry for your loss! I cannot even imagine the depth of your pain and am praying that God and the love of your family and friends will comfort you through this horrible time. Take care of yourself Cecily and know that you are in my thoughts.
    (((HUGS)))
    Lisa O

  11. cheryl b. says

    I am so glad that Cecily wasn’t lost as well, but utterly heartbroken at the loss of your boys. I am so so sorry for your terrible loss.
    all my love,
    cheryl b.

  12. Sheri says

    I found your blog through Julie’s and have been reading for awhile now. Please know that I am so very sorry for your loss and send you both strength to help you recover through this. Words are so inadequate right now.
    I am deeply sorry.

  13. says

    I am so sorry for your loss … I lost my little boy after 30 weeks of pg 2 years ago. It is a terrible, terrible experience. It is so unfair!
    I wish you both strength to cope – from Holland (Europe)
    Hugs
    Marlou

  14. Leslie says

    It’s not a decision anyone should have to make – your life or your baby’s, but the answer is completely obvious. I’m so sorry that you all had to go through it. It sounds as if you have a bunch of wonderful people around you.

  15. says

    Cecily and Charlie,
    Another lurker delurking to say that I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. I really hope that your community of friends will help you both through this.
    Annie

  16. Woodys Girl says

    I came to your blog yesterday (linked from Tertia’s blog) in utter disbelief over this tragedy. What a cruel and unimaginable turn of events!
    Cecily and Charlie, I am SO very sorry! It’s simply not FAIR that anyone should have to endure such horrible grief!
    Tears pouring from my soul, and prayers wrapping you in love…
    From a stranger in Alabama,
    Jennifer

  17. says

    Cecily and Charlie,
    I used to lurk here sometimes, but have not been back in a while since it’s hard for me to read about healthy pregnancies these days. But oh, how I wish this had stayed one.
    I’m so very sorry for your losses.

  18. juliechristi says

    I was away for a few days and stopped by today to check on you.
    I can’t begin to describe how sorry I am for your loss. I don’t even know where to begin except to say that you and Charlie are in my thoughts and prayers. Your blog has touched my heart so much recently and I am so grateful to you for that. You have many friends that will be here when you are ready.
    De-lurking… another julie

  19. faithful_one says

    I’m so glad the doctor told you it was an isolated incident. I can’t wait to read about her getting pregnant again because I’m sure it will happen soon.
    Sending hugs to you both.

  20. Heather says

    I am just so very sorry. Words can never express it.
    I wish you peace and healing in the coming days.

  21. says

    For what it’s worth…I had pre-eclampsia with my oldest daughter. I was bedridden for three months and to this day still have blood pressure issues, which my doctors have told me are related to my condition 9 years ago…I didn’t lose my daughter, I was induced at 36 weeks. My symptoms didn’t start until later than yours…I got pregnant a second time but did not suffer from it a second time. I carried my second daughter for 42 weeks before I had to be induced again. My thoughts are with you and I am so very sorry for your loss.

  22. says

    Stupid jesus tricks

    I write this waiting for my 8am history of england course to start, and having just listened to today’s news report, i’m depressed.
    the texas legislature that meets for just 140 days every two years, and this year was under state supreme …